From March 2008. Original title: “Nipples and Such”

Excerpt from this morning’s email from my sister:
“By the way, I saw a nipple in Walmart.”

Now this could mean anything, but it just so happens, I have some context for this odd insert. Last week while on the phone, I casually mentioned that I’d heard from a source of unconfirmed reliability that Walmart doesn’t stock romance novels that feature a male nipple on their covers. I can only assume my sister, ever the efficient curiosity-seeker, took it upon herself to test this supposition.

Evidently, the claim is bogus. A bit of quick-thinking and sure-footed sleuthing cracked The Case of Walmart vs. The Exposed Man Nipple.

Brava, sister!

And from my mother, a very interesting link on Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day…

Image via (Honestly, I couldn’t not post it.)

From February 2008…the title caught my eye, and after a quick perusal, I can confirm, I still feel the same. The photo is what you get when you Google ‘puddles of pee.’

There was one little aspect of the presentation I mentioned in the last post that sort of put me off–I remembered it last night. Ms. Lawson tries to associate her hightlighter colors with something easy to remember: blue for dialogue (i.e. talking a blue streak). So, when it came time to talk about yellow–the color for internal thoughts, she tells us (I’m paraphrasing) ‘Yellow is the color of urine. When you highlight all those lines of internal thought, think of it as little puddles of pee.’ First of all, that’s disgusting. Second, WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH A LITTLE INTERNALIZING????? I think the publishing world has been brainwashed. Everywhere I turn I’m hearing, ‘minimize the time in your heroine’s head’, but the books I’m reading, the books I’m loving have it spades. And these (at least most of them) are well-received, very popular books, and for good reason. A little internal thought can do magic for a book, and it certainly doesn’t have to be the death knell. People think. People in books should therefore think occasionally. Seems like a no-brainer to me. And I really don’t care to picture my hard-won WIP with little puddles of pee all over it. But that’s just me.

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From September 2007…nothing much has changed…zebra stripes have been added (and giraffe print in the bizarro house)

I have two funny stories to share about my mother-in-law who occasionally reads this blog. Two things to know about my MIL: her favorite colors are white and black (gray is also acceptable), and she has a new Maltese puppy who is very pampered.

So first up…my MIL has decorated her current townhome and her lake house in shakes of white, gray, and black. The lake house is accented with red. She and my FIL have recently purchased the house across the street and plan to completely remodel it for overflow or particularly private (or demanding) guests. Well, I’d bought a black comforter for my upstairs guest room and decided it didn’t go. I asked her if she’d like to have it as it was a very good price and it was black–’nuf said. In an email, she told me no thank you, she was thinking of going with different colors for the new house.

Different colors?? My eyes bugged. What on earth could she mean? I shared this little tidbit with my husband, and he was similarly curious and incredulous.

So a couple of days later, she visited, and obviously I asked her what colors she was thinking of. Her answer? Brown-black, cream, and reddish orange. I find this pretty darn hilarious. There’s going to be a bizarro-lake house right across the street from the current one. Different colors! Hah!

Next up: the dog. I have been charged with taking care of the little Maltese for a week while they go on vacation. I’ve been wondered about this for some time–how it will go with him being so spoiled and me being so unwilling to spoil him… So we were at the lakehouse last weekend, and she was making his breakfast. She calls me out of the bedroom where I was reading a book to show me how to make his food. Here is the procedure:

1. Grate some frozen liver roll onto a plate
2. Add a handful of dry dogfood pellets
3. Mix in a third of a jar of baby food–that day was Mac & Cheese
4. Mix in a quarter teaspoon of Angel Tears so that his fur does not get stained
5. Slide the plate into the microwave and heat for 15 sec.
6. Offer him the food and give him fifteen minutes to eat it.
7. If he doesn’t eat it, refrigerate and offer it again in 1-2 hours.

I should note here that she always feeds him one spoonful with a baby spoon so that he knows what’s on the menu.

I joked with her that his time at my house is going to feel like a concentration camp compared to what he’s used to. I actually think she’s a little concerned. But what can I say? That’s almost more effort than I expend on my own dinner. Maybe my husband and I should just have frozen liver roll for dinner…

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